Justice League is surprisingly enjoyable, even though its a goddamn mess story-wise. But the best part of the film is the men that theyve gathered around Gal Gadots Wonder Woman. She once again proves a skilled warriorand the Amazons also show up to do their fighting thingbut the men in this movie are pretty much just there to look attractive. If thats all you need to convince you to see Justice League, then by all means, run to the nearest theater.
First, theres Henry Cavill. Cavill has always looked like a snack (a smorgasbord even) in these films, but its even more gratuitous in this film. When Superman is brought back from the deadwhich duh, Cavill has been on the films entire press tour so killing him off in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was the dumbest idea Zack Snyder has cooked upits like a gift from the gods. Theres been talk of Cavills mustache being removed with CGI, but his chest hair is there in its full glory as Superman returns from the dead shirtlessfor no other reason than to entertain the audience, who are probably wondering how the hell Superman came back to life in the first place.
I cant fully explain it but thats not even important when you think about how Cavill traipses around for, like, 20 minutes not wearing a shirt. He even has a fight with Wonder Woman, Batman, Flash, and Cyborg and doesnt find time to put on a shirt. Amy Adams Lois Lane shows up to jog his memory, he flies her back to the farm, and they still hang around in the cornfields without finding Cavill a shirt.
Director Taika Waititi mentioned that he inserted a gratuitous shirtless scene of Chris Hemsworth into the latest Thor film, but that fleeting moment has nothing on Cavill walking around half-naked for two entire scenes. Cavill looks perfect baring his chest hair and he looks perfect in a finely-tailored suit. If thats not the man you want leading a group of superheroes who save the world from time to time, then Im sorry for you.
Though to be fair, Superman is not the leader of the Justice League. Batman is for some reasonhes not even the leader in the original Justice League comics, which Im not sure Snyder has ever readso we have plenty of Ben Affleck to put up with. But shocker: Affleck looks really good in this movie? Even Gadot gives him a once-over while tending to his bruises. It almost made me embrace the rumors that this film was going to tease a Wonder Woman-Batman romance. Affleck looks good, his suits look good, and somehow he completely disappears into the role. For two hours I almost forgot that the real-life Affleck has yet to address his brothers sexual harassment allegations, groped a young woman on TRL, and still hangs out with Matt Damon. What Im saying is Justice League manages to make Affleck attractive, which is something even Jennifer Lopez couldnt believably convey in Gigli or their paparazzi photos.
Jason Momoa is obviously in the hall of fame when it comes to attractive men, and spends even more time shirtless in Justice League than Cavill. He is, after all, Aquaman, and who can swim with a shirt on? Apparently you can swim with black skinny jeans, but a shirt is a step too far. At any rate, its been forever since Momoa graced us with his fine physique on Game of Thrones so its nice to have a place in 2017 where we can drink it in. He and Cavill being shirtless so often makes up for the fact that Ray Fisher, who is also very attractive, plays a fucking robot in the movie, so were not gonna see any skin there!
Which leaves us with Ezra Miller. The beautifully queer Miller, who somehow manages to be a better Flash than Grant Gustin on that CW show, infuses the superhero with his offbeat sense of humor, adorable sense of wonder, and even gives off some his own real-life queer vibes, making Flash more akin to Wonder Woman than the other performatively masculine bros of his superhero squad. Wonder Woman is obviously one of the best parts of the film, despite her theme music only showing up once (and rudely remixed by Danny Elfman), but Miller might actually be the MVP of Justice League. I wasnt sure we needed another Flash since the television one works just fine, but after Millers potent turn Im eagerly anticipating his own film and fleshed-out backstory.
Justice League is still pretty much a mess, yes. Its certainly no Wonder Woman. But its really, really pleasing to look at.